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Talk:Nightmare Eve/@comment-39103377-20191117163851
While I do enjoy Revenge Creepypastas most of the time as they can become interesting, this Creepypasta ruins the execution for multiple reasons which I may have to explain: 1. Tragedies Of Death Do Not Equal To Motives - Now, fans need to understand what death is. When a person close to you dies and you know for a fact that they were murdered, then it would make sense as to why you would want to find the culprit and think of the most brutal ways to torture them as they did you. What isn't understandable is how the story dives head-first into the deaths, leaving the reader with little to no centext of who these people were. They could have been involved with the Mafia for all we know! 1-B. Remember to always include a flashback of some kind or details before the tragedy to help the reader develop a deeper understanding to Eve and her pain. If you forget or don't care enough to do so, this effect of trying to make Eve seem like a misunderstood and tragic Revenge Creepypasta fials drastically leading to the reader being confused, bored and uncaring towards the Creepypasta. 2. Revenge Isn't So Sweet Once Commenced - While most Creepypastas seem like they have one goal which has been a success, they is one thing the fans mess up with that I can understand. With famous examples like Jeff The Killer, Slenderman, Eyeless Jack, Laughing Jack, Lazari, etc, all of those Creepypastas mentioned never have had a concluded end to their reign of terror. It is a continuous cycle of pain and torture for the individuals and the Creepypastas are relentless to find new victims. The problem with Eve is the fact that she is instantly devalued once her motive is complete. She has killed the murderer of her parents and that is it...This is why Eve isn't exactly a Revenge Creepypasta, she is instantly lost as both a character and a Creepypasta. 2-B. Make sure that Eve has an ever-lasting motive to follow through that doesn't rely on a conclusion to conclude her character. You need to make sure that this fearful entity seems threatening without being so dependent on another Creepypasta that does this well. Slenderman would most likely kill, torture or straight up abandon her because she is worthless to Slenderman. Sure, her abilities may seem worth it for another being searching for a new victim to brain-wash but, Slenderman took control over many "normal" (and normal being used very loosely here) lives to become his murderous slaves. 3. What Exactly is Eve Meant To Represent? - It claims that Eve is indeed a being who has somehow obtained some abilities but...what is her appearance meant to represent? She seems more like a failed creation of the undead if anything. And, if I were to bring my knowledge, Slenderman wouldn't have just taken her in looking like that. Eve seems like a fragile being, any sudden movement or attack would make her fall apart. There is nothing in her story which explains both the abilities and the appearance you have made for her and that makes her seem so hard to meet up with the creepiness factor of many other Creepypasta creatures like Laughing Jack, Eyeless Jack, Jeff The Killer, etc. 3-B. Try to make sure the entirety of your character is linked to being a Creepypasta. Do not try to go off onto different details without having the essentials to back up the information you are providing the reader. Because, if not done well enough, plot-holes such as how and why she was given those abilities start up again and again, causing the reader to feel frustrated if not done correctly. Now, a cliff-hanger can be made if necessary but...with the abilities being an essential to how she had murdered the killer as well as Slenderman seeing some use for her, you need to explain with detail, not statements. Overall, I believe that this Creepypasta deserves at least a 3.5/10. The grammar is decent most of the time but, there still are a few grammar mistakes. Along with that, the actual structure isn't exactly okay for a story for a Creepypasta. There isn't a clear conclusion to make her seem like a continuous threat to society besides the direct (and quite irrational) choice of including Slenderman, the story itself lacks many opportunities to include so many techniques that could have made up for the lack of details/information (at least in the long run) and the character itself is the stereotypical OC of being so flawed, they are not a good Creepypasta.